Who I loved was a girl from college. I wasn’t exactly that close with her. But with some superficial facts and a few interactions over a semester, (you know like most guys fantasizing over a girl that they barley know); I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality. She was the third year sorority girl. And yes, I was the infatuated freshman. Sure but, the several times we got to spend together outside of class, it really allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was so just did every other guy. And while she turned me down nicely. I swear there were times when it seemed like the clique sorority girl may have felt something for the typically awkward freshman.
What I loved was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend.We met early in college and kept in touch within the years after. We watched each other grow and change. And through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She also was there for every girlfriend and every break up of mine. Personality, humor, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. The only thing that wasn’t perfect was her timing. We were never ever single at the same time. What we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This was something we eventually had to face and accept. And we had to leave behind… What we had.
When I loved was my first girlfriend in high school. It is a bit unfair because, she embodies the combination of both “Love and Youth”. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate. Because we can only be at that age once. High school was a time of innocence, discovery, and adventure. We shared these 3 elements together in things like, our first kiss, late nights sneaking out, and matinee movies in all of which now become a nostalgic love preserved in a time where neither of us can touch, but knows its there. Even though we were just kids, there’s not a doubt in my mind when we were there, we were in love.
Where I loved was the girl I met in Sacramento. I never intended to stay here that long. It was just a 6 month internship after graduating, but it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had past then somehow another year after that, I couldn’t leave the city. I just couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back at home. But she helped me accomplish it over here with a relationship so reflective of the city we were in. A new energy, new experience that really pushed me more mature, more than anyone, or anywhere else. When people ask, what city I love the most, I say Sacramento. The city where I loved the most.
Why I loved was a close friend who past away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death was not what saddened her the most but the fact that she never really felt like she fallen in love. She wouldn’t get to have those emotions. Good and bad of being hurt and of being held. After she past those words stuck with me the most. Teaching me to see that one of the greatest gifts we have of being alive is the ability to give, receive, and even lose love. There’s so many like her that who’s lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste this life not loving.
You were the 6th. Your none of them because you are all of them. You are Who I loved. The girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make belief things that are actually true. Your what I loved. The depth, the inside jokes, the best friend. You are when I love. A new history has been started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will some day reminisce about. You are where I love, because I would go anywhere just to be with you. You are why I love because before you I truly didn’t understand what I was looking for. And now that we have found each other, you’ve given my past the future of meaning. You are the 6th. And you are the last.
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