Frank Yan of Sacramento on Who, What, When, Where and Why

Who I loved was a girl from college. I wasn’t exactly that close with her. But with some superficial facts and a few interactions over a semester, (you know like most guys fantasizing over a girl that they barley know); I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality. She was the third year sorority girl. And yes, I was the infatuated freshman. Sure but, the several times we got to spend together outside of class, it really allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was so just did every other guy. And while she turned me down nicely. I swear there were times when it seemed like the clique sorority girl may have felt something for the typically awkward freshman.

What I loved was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend.We met early in college and kept in touch within the years after. We watched each other grow and change. And through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go. She also was there for every girlfriend and every break up of mine. Personality, humor, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. The only thing that wasn’t perfect was her timing. We were never ever single at the same time. What we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This was something we eventually had to face and accept. And we had to leave behind… What we had.

When I loved was my first girlfriend in high school. It is a bit unfair because, she embodies the combination of both “Love and Youth”. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate. Because we can only be at that age once. High school was a time of innocence, discovery, and adventure. We shared these 3 elements together in things like, our first kiss, late nights sneaking out, and matinee movies in all of which now become a nostalgic love preserved in a time where neither of us can touch, but knows its there. Even though we were just kids, there’s not a doubt in my mind when we were there, we were in love.

Where I loved was the girl I met in Sacramento. I never intended to stay here that long. It was just a 6 month internship after graduating, but it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had past then somehow another year after that, I couldn’t leave the city. I just couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back at home. But she helped me accomplish it over here with a relationship so reflective of the city we were in. A new energy, new experience that really pushed me more mature, more than anyone, or anywhere else. When people ask, what city I love the most, I say Sacramento. The city where I loved the most.

Why I loved was a close friend who past away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death was not what saddened her the most but the fact that she never really felt like she fallen in love. She wouldn’t get to have those emotions. Good and bad of being hurt and of being held. After she past those words stuck with me the most. Teaching me to see that one of the greatest gifts we have of being alive is the ability to give, receive, and even lose love. There’s so many like her that who’s lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste this life not loving.

You were the 6th. Your none of them because you are all of them. You are Who I loved. The girl on the pedestal, the fantasy, the make belief things that are actually true. Your what I loved. The depth, the inside jokes, the best friend. You are when I love. A new history has been started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will some day reminisce about. You are where I love, because I would go anywhere just to be with you. You are why I love because before you I truly didn’t understand what I was looking for. And now that we have found each other, you’ve given my past the future of meaning. You are the 6th. And you are the last.

Frank Yan of Sacramento on Who Are You Truly

Who are you truly? What has been the biggest factors in you to date? When people in Sacramento say the phrase: “be yourself” what do they truly mean and is that even possible with so much to influence us in our daily lives? Frank knows that we are the construction of so much information, that we are made by such things that color and saturate our growth process. Frank Yan says, if there is a part of you inside the chances are that is it lost amongst layers upon layers of external input. Very rarely do we show the world who we truly are and that in itself may just be the most difficult things in the world to do. Frank knows that there are parts of him that he chooses to hide for whatever reasons and on the flip side there are parts of Frank that shine through that are as a result of those things that have penetrated his being and has made him act in a very specific way.

A few months ago Frank saw a breif documentary at the Sacramento International Airport while waiting for his flight out. The documentary was called: What the bleep do we know? Frank think there should be a new one called ‘Who the bleep are we?’ Frank may be challenged for saying this but he believed that very few people here in Sacramento actually know themselves and Frank is for one of them. Everyday is a growing process for us and at the same time Frank is taking on information and behaviors that are ultimately deciding what actions he will take from one moment to the next. However there is a part of Frank Yan that wants that sponginess to stop. We are all sponges. Yes, he said it. Sponges soaking up our environments were in. Most of the times we have to be sponges because there is so much to learn in this day and age that every day becomes a university. There’s always something new to learn and discover about ourselves. Frank wants that part of the sponge to remain open for business but he wants the part of himself he the chooses what actions he personally takes and the personality that he will emit to be a more like a rock than a sponge. Frank wants to choose a pattern of behavior that is what he decided to be in accordance with the belief systems that he have decided best reflects what he believes the universe is about and accurately reflects the purpose he has created for himself.


This is a very challenging time for Frank. Who was the guy Frank Yan that lives in Sacramento 4 weeks ago and is a very different person that he I is today? And the hurdles before Frank seem very high although he is sure they were not. But despite those hurdles Frank will take that fight to his very core. It’s not a fight of violence, but a fight of love whereby Frank must find a way of accepting these new facets of who he is and integrate them into the person he wishes to ultimately shape himself into. Frank is no different from anyone else. Everyone faces those challenges on a daily basis and the process of discovery of that person who you are or have chosen to be deep down, must be faced with love and your held high! Whether you see that inner person with an exact avatar or whether you decide that, that person will be someone new on a daily basis, do it with a sense of pure acceptance of you. You will change, you will adapt, your purpose will change, your desires will change, you ideal self will change, but change is a sponge, waiting to be immersed in a bucket of water.